How to Despise a Country in 10 Minutes or Less

Actually two countries. Okay, definitely one and a scary, neglectful event with another.

I’ve hesitated posting this all week because I was upset. I thought that by allowing a few days to pass, my agitation would too, but it hasn’t. I also used the word f*ck and thought that might offend a few folks, so I didn’t, no need to worry there. But a girl has to speak her mind, so here it goes.

Due to the weak Dollar, we’re getting an influx of visitors from other countries –and that’s great. Really. It’s fun to feel like we’re in an international city, like London where one can hear several different dialects surrounding one’s table.

Unfortunately for those of us allergic to children, please dear God, put your kid on a leash.  It’s not that we enjoy observing kids tethered like abandoned dogs in suburbia… Actually, we advocate that parents harness their kids because it’s a win-win situation: The kid gets to enjoy the independence of exploration & good for the parent to keep 2 hands free to browse stores and know exactly where their kid is at all times.  Andrew was harnessed and you see how badly he turned out! Frankly, we just don’t want to see kids hurt.

We’re enjoying dinner at one of our favorite haunts at an outside table, and we’re backed by another restaurant that is filled with a huge extended Russian family. I gots no problems with Russians, I do have problems with folks who neglect their kids because they’re too busy talking and not watching their children. For the most part, the passle of kids were good, just enjoying playing musical chairs but when the parents get upset with me because I yell at the little girl to get out of the street because she’s in danger of getting hit by a car… Well don’t yell at me and give me dirty looks, put a damn harness on your kid.

NOTE: NYC drivers don’t know the meaning of driving under 45mph. Period.

I do my best to remain open-minded and culturally sensitive, but being affronted by the ungracious malcontents of global society is quite another. My attitude about stupid Americans has changed -at least when we’re travelling like a band of gypsies, one usually is aware of a party of 2 who aren’t going to take up too much time getting out of the way. Say, like when you’ve got a cart full of groceries and you notice the guy behind you has only a carton of ice cream –let him thru.

I have to clear the air about some misconceptions about other cultures. For the love of Pete, let’s not generalize certain ones, say, the French, for being rude in their own country. They’re frilling rude in this country, too!!

My body was plummeting and the fact that they ignored me really pissed me off. We found ourselves getting rudely pushed back while standing in line to check our bags at the MoMA because a seemingly innocent French couple was actually holding the line for ten (10)!!! I knew they understood, because the coatroom guy was speaking English to them. The grandmother looked at me and I showed her my innermost demon. I was sick from nausea, wished I could have summoned a Linda Blair moment.

I’m boycotting anything French until further notice. In fact, I’m putting the French on notice -think I’ll twitter my bud, Mister Col-bear and tell him to do it for me.